delirious
08-08-05, 08:37
Some Chris Rock, :hihi:
(on strippers who claim that they're only stripping to put themselves through college): "If there are so many strippers in college, how come I never got a smart lap dance? I never got a girl who sat on my lap and said, 'If I was you, I'd diversify my portfolio.'"
(on the police's failure to arrest murderers of rap stars): "They don't got no clues, they don't got no suspects, they don't fill out a police report when there's a dead rapper. They don't even have a chalk line; the cops just take a piss around the body!"
(on the latest Michael Jackson allegations): "ANOTHER KID!? Get the FUCK out of here! Yo, that's how much we love Michael. We love Michael so much, we let the first kid SLIDE. 'Like c'mon man, the man did 'Billie Jean.' Leave him alone.'"
(on Iraq being touted by the Bush administration as 'the most dangerous threat on the planet'): "If they're so dangerous, how come it only took two weeks to take over the whole fucking country? Shit, you couldn't take over Baltimore in two weeks!"
(on the distribution of wealth in the United States): "Now, don't get me wrong. It's not all white people's fault that black and brown people don't have any fuckin' wealth. Maybe -- now just MAYBE - maybe if we didn't spend all our money on RIMS, we might have something to invest!" (on affirmative action): "I don't think I should get accepted to a school over a white person if I get a lower mark on a test. But if there's a tie? Fuck him! Shit, you had a 400-year head start, motherfucker!"
(on the tedium of going out with other married couples): "A bunch of men talkin' about barbecue grills and routes to work - 'Ya know, sometimes I take the highway, but if it's backed up, I've got some side streets I like to take that get me there in half the time.' 'Yeah! You should tell me about those. I-95 is clear someti-' SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
(on strippers who claim that they're only stripping to put themselves through college): "If there are so many strippers in college, how come I never got a smart lap dance? I never got a girl who sat on my lap and said, 'If I was you, I'd diversify my portfolio.'"
(on the police's failure to arrest murderers of rap stars): "They don't got no clues, they don't got no suspects, they don't fill out a police report when there's a dead rapper. They don't even have a chalk line; the cops just take a piss around the body!"
(on the latest Michael Jackson allegations): "ANOTHER KID!? Get the FUCK out of here! Yo, that's how much we love Michael. We love Michael so much, we let the first kid SLIDE. 'Like c'mon man, the man did 'Billie Jean.' Leave him alone.'"
(on Iraq being touted by the Bush administration as 'the most dangerous threat on the planet'): "If they're so dangerous, how come it only took two weeks to take over the whole fucking country? Shit, you couldn't take over Baltimore in two weeks!"
(on the distribution of wealth in the United States): "Now, don't get me wrong. It's not all white people's fault that black and brown people don't have any fuckin' wealth. Maybe -- now just MAYBE - maybe if we didn't spend all our money on RIMS, we might have something to invest!" (on affirmative action): "I don't think I should get accepted to a school over a white person if I get a lower mark on a test. But if there's a tie? Fuck him! Shit, you had a 400-year head start, motherfucker!"
(on the tedium of going out with other married couples): "A bunch of men talkin' about barbecue grills and routes to work - 'Ya know, sometimes I take the highway, but if it's backed up, I've got some side streets I like to take that get me there in half the time.' 'Yeah! You should tell me about those. I-95 is clear someti-' SHUT THE FUCK UP!"