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Victory
01-07-03, 18:18
http://www.shiachat.com/forum/uploads/post-2-1057036691.jpg

Man language
============

"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY", OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"

"OH, DON'T FUSS. I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death
before I admit that I'm hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
Translated: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh, please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."

"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
Translated: "I make the messes, she cleans them up."




WOMEN LANGUAGE
------------


FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING
This means "something", and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. 'Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with 'Fine.'

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine" .

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will >>get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she >>is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man.
"That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often >>used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow".

GO AHEAD
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome. THANKS A LOT. This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have >>offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud >>Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing".

Victory
01-07-03, 18:22
Technical Support:

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces his altitude and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field." "You must work in Technical Support," says the balloonist. "I do," replies the man. "How did you know?" "Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but completely useless." The man below says: "You must be in management." "I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're still in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."













George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Bush!" a heavily accented voice said.

"This is Faisal Ali from Banga, District Multan, Pakistan. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"


"Well, Faisal," Bush replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"


"Right now," said Faisal, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Khan, my next door neighbour Bhagoo, and the entire kabadi team from the village. That makes eight"


Bush paused. "I must tell you, Faisal that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."


"BLOODY Hell " said Faisal. "I'll have to ring you back!"


Sure enough, the next day, Faisal called again.


"Mr. Bush, it is Faisal, I'm calling from Banga STD, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"


"And what equipment would that be, Faisal?" Bush asked.


"Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amjad's tractor."


Bush sighed. "I must tell you, Faisal, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."


"Oh teri (oops)....." said Faisal. "I'll have to get back to you."


Sure enough, Faisal rang again the next day. "Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne ...... We've modified Amjads's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four boys from Malpur have joined us as well!"


Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Faisal, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"


"Tera pala hove ...." said Faisal, "I'll have to ring you back."


Sure enough, Faisal called again the next day. "Kehse?, Mr. Bush!


I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."


"I'm sorry to hear that," said Bush. "Why the sudden change of heart?"


"Well," said Faisal, "we've all had a long chat over a couple of paranthe and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners!."

fatiha elg...
01-07-03, 19:33
Lijkt net dzjel wel...die heeft toch maar één oog? :fucyc:

Hamza-T
02-07-03, 01:12
http://www.simplyislam.com/images/dbase/50810.jpg

Canaris
02-07-03, 13:06
vik, ik moet zeggen

LOL

Very much LOL

Lang niet meer zo´n goede mop gelezen . Merci

(we cannot feed 2 million prisoners. prachtig)